JRRZZ blog

It sure has been a while since my last entry. You know, school and personal things get annoying sometimes. Oh well, I’m able to write right now. So shut up and read on.
I’m a bit sick. So what’s the news? It’s getting worse. Since I’m using public transport to Eindhoven and back every day these illusions are haunting my mind. It starts when I get inside the bus. I take a seat, put my music back on and start enjoying the scenery. No problem. But after a minute or two I see dead people everywhere. I can’t actually see them, but i’m seeing imaginary massacres. I don’t know why I like to see torn limbs and shattered heads, but it seems to be so real. Every day. You would expect me getting scared as hell. In the contrary. I’m feeling quite comfortable in company of the dead. If that would be only thing I could cope with it. Next to actually seeing dead people I start to fantasize how the person in front of me would look like on a stick decomposing for three weeks. I think it might scare people in the way I look at them. I really don’t know. Some of you would call me insane or just nuts. I don’t think so. Now I see, now I know the mortality of mankind. I know as no other how it must feel like to die. I’ve seen and felt it so many times now. I’m not scared anymore. I do not fear death anymore. It does have it’s disadvantages though. I found myself walking through a red traffic light while the traffic was driving by. I didn’t get hit. Somehow I knew. This is what scares me. How can I know in advance if I will get hit or not? Or is it just a mental defect I should ignore? Is it instinct? All these facts plus one made me think something’s wrong. The last fact was a little household accident. I cut my finger. It didn’t hurt. I sucked the blood away from the wound and actually liked the taste of my own blood. Now i’m wondering if somebody else’s blood would taste the same.
Now I’m reading this it really sounds crazy and mad up, but it’s the truth I tell you. I can’t help it.

Tags: Monthly Dump //