JRRZZ blog

I had a few problems to face. First, I’m terribly out of shape. And with the coming holiday I really need to do something about that. Second, I needed a new bike.

Combine these two and it’s not that hard to guess what kind of bike I was looking for. A sports bike, right? Well, almost.

As a left wing activist with some street cred left I can’t just buy an awesome car and drive around polluting the very thing I tend to preserve, the environment. Not that I avoid using cars all together. I’m not that much of an environmentalist. It’s just nonsense to use a car when a bicycle gets you there faster and cheaper. Maybe the fact that I grew up without a car to my disposal helps a little. I don’t know. Anyway, I’m used to cycling everywhere so I need a proper work horse that gets me where I want to go faster than my current bike and is also suitable for high speed touring.

When I buy something I never buy things half-baked. I want it to be a Dutch bike, too. Somehow I’ve managed to completely destroy every foreign bike I’ve ever had. So I’ve got a few choices right? I could go for the more expensive Batavus or Gazelle models or for a properly hand crafted Koga Myata. RIH and Sparta just don’t make the bikes they used to anymore. Koga Myata seems to be an excellent choice and the bicycles I’ve tested are nice, light and fast.

While riding a Koga loaner a while ago another bike passed me, while I was picking up some serious speed. Powered by a middle aged man. Smiling.

I usually don’t use the words but in this case “what the fuck” is the right expression. I’m a young adonis for pete’s sake. That guy was half way to hell. How he managed to pass me? He had a recumbent bicycle. So if a middle aged man on a recumbent can pass me on a Koga, I have to have a bike like that.

It turns out quite some hand crafting Dutch recumbent bicycle manufacturers exist. Quite a lot actually. The biggest three (for all I know) are M5, Challenge and Nazca. They all create some really weird contraptions. All I wanted was a fast bike capable of transporting my camera or laptop. After much folder sniffing and google raping I found the bike that suited all my wishes. The Nazca Fuego.

A beautifully hand crafted bike. It’s quite nice on the eye, too. Packed with sports level parts while staying comfortable. At least, that’s what they say.

But where can I buy this thing? My local bicycle shop owner couldn’t help me. He’s restricted to the bigger Dutch brands like Batavus, RIH and Sparta. Luckily Nazca provides a dealer list. And hey, a dealer within cycling distance, how nice! So today I’ve paid a visit to De Liggende Hollander, which roughly translates to “The Laying Dutchman”. The shop is located in a small shed/garage type of building in the middle of an average neighborhood. Not the place where you’d expect the only recumbent bicycle dealer in the area. The thing is completely packed with bikes. Some are out for display, some are hanging from the wall and others are hanging on wires from the ceiling. It’s a wonderful sight of brilliant engineering combined with a chronic lack of space. The shop is operated by a friendly guy who surely knows his stuff.

And behold, there it was, hidden behind it’s direct Challenge competitor, the Fuego. After some adjustments to the frame and some paperwork I was ready to take this thing for a spin. Or at least, I thought I was. I’ve tried a recumbent bike before quite a while ago and didn’t really manage to take off, so to speak. The shop’s owner helped me along and after a few (wobbly) laps around the neighborhood I was confident enough to take the bike to the public road.

What a revelation. It’s fast, comfortable, lean and everything everybody was saying about these bicycles is absolutely true. It’s a way better experience than the ordinary upright bike. The seat is shaped just right, the air suspension does it’s job perfectly and together with an excellent stiff frame this adds up to an unprecedented cycling experience. Of course some minor things annoyed me. Like that most traffic lights are controlled by buttons that are placed just too high to be easily reached from a semi-low racer like the Fuego. Also, because of the speed and aerodynamics flies and other insects are lining up to enter one of your facial cavities. Wearing glasses isn’t just a luxury, it’s highly recommended. note to self: buy some

Because of this wonderful experience I’ve decided to buy it. Expensive as it may be, it’s worth every last penny.

Some technical details I’ve remembered for the interested: Fuego Top-Sport Black Satin, Shimano (105?) 2×9 crank setup, Schwalbe Stelvio tires, Kind-Shock air suspension, Shimano (M535?) hydraulic disc brakes, 24 spoke Alex wheels and some LED lighting. Photos will be submitted to DeviantArt next week, after I’ve received the bike.

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As I’ve promised.

I’m going to elaborate on two things about infinity in this post. First, it’s meaning and second, it’s implication within and effect upon the deterministic universe.

There are a few fundamental aspects of infinity you’ll have to understand. Infinity is enormous and at the same time really small. Infinity is the number of times nothing fits into something. Infinity, like it’s name implies, has no end. That’s the whole idea about infinity. It’s something that just keeps on going. Just try to grasp that idea for a moment. Take your time, it has taken me several years and I still can’t fully understand. Let me help you along.

In our world view everything has a container, there’s always a higher something encompassing the object of reference. A man is standing in his garden. His garden is part of a city, this city is part of a country, this country is part of the world, our world is part of our solar system, our solar system is part of our galaxy, our galaxy is part of our universe and our universe is part of what? The containers stop at a certain point. We have reached the furthest we can zoom out while staying relatively certain we’re looking at the actual picture. When we try to zoom out further the picture becomes blurry and speculative. Just because we can’t measure beyond certain reference points. At this point you’ll need infinity as the final container.

Now we’ve got a problem. Is our universe the only universe in existence? Is our big bang the only big bang? As I’ve said before, this is mere speculation. There’s no way (yet) to prove there’s anything beyond our universe. When our container is actually infinitely large it would have room for an infinite number of universes.

I’m going to make a bold statement right now. Why will become clear later on. There is an infinite amount of universes in infinite space, constantly interacting with each other. Actually, the entity we call universe is just an effect of one interaction. Interactions are caused by previous interactions which are caused by previous interactions before that and so on. Infinite causality. Again, a few problems have to be solved to support this statement.

At the very basic level, how does an infinite amount of interacting universes fit within infinity? I’m going to call upon your visual comprehensive skills for a moment. I’ve taken the liberty to create four pictures.

Continue zooming out. Imagine zooming out infinitely. This will create an infinite number of dots in infinite white space. Does this mean infinity can be smaller than infinity? Yes. And no. Because infinite space has no end, it can encompass anything an infinite number of times. But there’s a catch. If something is infinite in it’s dimensions, it will fill up infinite space instantly. The infinite number of finite objects is an infinite object in itself, thus filling up infinite space instantly. Infinity equals infinity. Infinity multiplied by a constant still equals infinity. To solve this paradox you need to understand an infinite amount of finite objects will encompass everything in existence, effectively balancing out the paradox in reality by limiting the constant to one.

Another problem with my bold statement is infinite causality. This problem can be split up into two major aspects. The existence of infinite time and the existence of energy.

Energy as we know it doesn’t really exist. This beautiful Steven Hawking quote explains this better than I ever could.

There are something like ten million million million million million million million million million million million million million million (1 with eighty [five] zeroes after it) particles in the region of the universe that we can observe. Where did they all come from? The answer is that, in quantum theory, particles can be created out of energy in the form of particle/antiparticle pairs. But that just raises the question of where the energy came from. The answer is that the total energy of the universe is exactly zero. The matter in the universe is made out of positive energy. However, the matter is all attracting itself by gravity. Two pieces of matter that are close to each other have less energy than the same two pieces a long way apart, because you have to expend energy to separate them against the gravitational force that is pulling them together. Thus, in a sense, the gravitational field has negative energy. In the case of a universe that is approximately uniform in space, one can show that this negative gravitational energy exactly cancels the positive energy represented by the matter. So the total energy of the universe is zero.

So what has triggered the creation of particles? The big bang is the event we fairly certain know of creating all the matter in our universe. Following my train of thought here it would mean some event, triggered by another event, ad infinitum, has created our universe. The chain of events didn’t start and won’t stop. This is a perpetuum mobile without breaking the second law of thermodynamics. Because this infinite process encompasses everything, loss of energy is not possible. This enforces entropy of exactly zero, constantly. Plus, change in energy is not the cause but an effect.

Imagine there has always been causality. Our big bang event was triggered by another event. Infinite causality can be explained best using an infinite binary tree.

This image shows a part of the infinite binary tree of causality. You can move down the tree finding out what caused something, but the tree never had a root. This binary tree is infinitely wide and infinitely long. Everything has a cause, except everything itself. Infinite causality imposes several questions, though. The most important of which is wether or not we can actually determine the future. The simple answer is theoretically yes, but in practice no. Because the causality is infinite you need to know the entire (infinite) path down the tree. The only thing existing long enough to “know” the entire infinite history is the infinite perpetuum mobile itself. And this process can’t possibly be sentient, because “sentient” doesn’t really exist in a deterministic universe.

That’s the effect on the deterministic universe I wrote about in the introduction. The entire theory is based upon determinism. The deterministic universe hasn’t been that popular among scientists because of the existence of free will. If the universe is really deterministic we can’t have free will because every action we take has to be a reaction upon prior events. Free will is the ultimate example of absolute randomness. Absolute randomness can’t exist in a deterministic universe.

This is the point where we can take all the pieces and put them together. For free will to exist we need to provide the system with a factor of absolute randomness. Causality is the opposite. It provides a structure upon which the universal system we live in is based. Any underlying structure cancels out the possibility of absolute randomness. Infinite causality however, provides an infinitely complex underlying structure. An infinite binary tree is an infinitely complex algorithm. This enables the universal system to mimic absolute randomness, thus providing us with the perfect illusion of free will.

That pretty much sums it up. There are a few counter arguments I can already take care of.

Doesn’t this entire infinity idea just equal to belief in a supreme being? Infinite causality is equally vague and unsupported as the deistic universe.

Yes, I can’t argue with that. There’s no way to provide any sort of proof supporting this theory. It’s basically the question of wether infinite logic still counts as logic.

So it doesn’t matter what I do, it’s all predefined anyway, right?

In a way that’s right. Although the human psyche, and every decision it makes, is a product of determinism this does not mean you should become a nihilist all of a sudden. The perfect illusion of free will still equals free will in every way so you’ve got the freedom to do whatever you wish. The universal system is too complex for you to notice the difference. You can’t even possibly feel the difference because absolute free will does not exist. Remember, this is not a question of wether you’ve got a free will or not. This theory provides a link between causality and the perceptive free will.

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As you might have noticed. It’s a new theme! It’s also Wordpress 2.5 running underneath. The new theme is a little easier on the eye.

I’m going to write that thing about infinity soon, as I’ve promised. I just didn’t really feel like doing so just yet.

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This year’s gonna be so cool. Lots of my favorite bands will come. Including Opeth, woohoo!

Of course I’ve already got my tickets. If you’re quick you can still get some. It’ll be worth it!

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It’s everywhere. Capitalism is the driving engine behind our economy and has been for centuries. It has given us prosperity, wealth and freedom. The very foundation of our modern society is capitalism. Without capitalism we will fall back and become a soviet society.

Is all of that true? This is what many of us believe, because it is what we are being told.

To clarify what capitalism means to us, we should first define capitalism. Find out what it actually means. Wikipedia defines capitalism as:

Capitalism refers to an economic and social system in which the means of production are predominantly private owned and operated, and in which investments, distribution, income, production and pricing of goods and services are determined through the operation of a market economy. It is usually considered to involve the right of individuals and groups of individuals acting as “legal persons” or corporations to trade capital goods, labor, land and money.

A dictionary defines it as:

A competitive social system, emerging in the seventeenth century in Europe, based on commodiftcation and the drive of the owners of the means of production to maximize the profits of their companies.

And another one:

An economic system in which capital is mostly owned by private individuals and corporations. Contrasts with communism.

So, there are several definitions, all of them true. If we combine them we can conclude this:

Capitalism is an economical and social system wherein people, whether acting alone or in a group, privately own and operate the economical means to gain profit. These means include goods, labor, land and money. In a free market economy these people compete one another with the sole purpose of maximizing profit.

When we look closely to how capitalism works in our society the belief that it’s a good system quickly changes to skepticism. A free market can only operate when there are enough competitors. Imagine a market with three competitors, all selling apples. People buy apples from the salesman with the lowest prices. Eventually there will be a situation where one of them takes the upper hand. What happens next is the beginning of the end of the free market. The winner of the competition will use his profits to enlarge his market influence by buying more apples, which will lower his prices. Simply because a larger market share means a larger profit. The losers in the market will simply go bankrupt by the loss of customers or they get swallowed by the winner, who only cares for the customers of the bankrupt salesman. This system works quite well because now there’s room for competition which will balance out the system again. But what if the competition doesn’t arrive in time? The start capital you’ll need as an apples salesman to even make a chance against this guy is too big for you to finance. You could get a loan at the bank, but that’s a big risk. A risk not everybody is willing to take. This story can be applied to higher level markets. The apples salesman starts competing other apples salesmen in other districts. Eventually there’s only one apples salesman left in the entire city. The free market has vanished. Luckily it doesn’t go this far all of the time. Usually the free market keeps enough room for people to start their own competitive business.

I hope you can see the danger of complete capitalism. Capitalism is the logical product of a free market society, but also it’s biggest threat. A free market has the tendency to implode. A good example of an imploded market is the desktop operating system market. Microsoft dominates this market and abuses it’s monopoly to maintain it’s dominating position.

This is where the government should act and ensure the market is kept free. A free market results in a healthy economy, resulting in an increase of prosperity. This is also where things get creepy. In several capitalist nations, with the United States as the prime example, businesses have political power. They have the power to steer the political agenda to their needs in stead of the people’s. And this is exactly what happened in the United States in the last fifty years or so. Every single war, without exception, has been a war for profit and self interest. The corporations abuse their political influence to keep the war machine rolling. President Truman warned for this to happen, and he was right. The United States have become a terrorist nation without a real democracy. Politicians have been reduced to puppets, the people are being kept in the dark and every single value the nation stood for has been reduced to mere propaganda. One can only hope the newly elected president will restore the United States to it’s former state.

Please watch the BBC documentary Why we Fight to get the long version of what I’m trying to tell you here.

I think it should become illegal for politicians to have any ties to businesses. That would save both democracy and the free market. And behold, this has been written by a socialist.

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Like most sheeple out there I also make plans. Here are my plans for this year. As usual these end up as exactly those things I didn’t do, but hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying, right?

The IT company that’s being created by me and a friend of mine should emerge sometime this year. Like I’ve written before, this’ll shake the IT world on it’s foundations. Well, maybe not exactly, but it will have it’s impact. I think. I hope. Oh well, it’ll be my main source of income in the near future so you bet this won’t be the last you’ve heard of it.

I’ve got two large projects ahead of me, both equally challenging. First, there’s JBISC, my very own programming language. This project will take years to complete, starting this year. I don’t know how much effort I will put into it, because it’s quite a daring operation for a guy who’s writing C for only four years or so. I do know I won’t be getting much help from the F/LOSS community. My back-to-the-basics idea of the ideal programming language seems to be exactly the opposite of theirs. It’s my job to prove them all wrong I guess.

The second one is a CRM software system. In a shared source deal with PhotonCRM I will take part in the creation of the world’s next leading CRM system as well as my employer’s own system. We and the guys at Photon have some really awesome ideas (which I’ll discuss later, when it’s time). Awesome enough to get really excited about this project. This is also the first F/LOSS project I’ll be paid for to participate. Although not directly, it’s still money in exchange for (awesome) code.

In the few hours I’ve got left in this year I’ll be creating so-called “New Media Content”. I sure as Hell don’t know what it means exactly but someone told me I did. Anyway, I’ll be picking up my photography hobby again and publish some of my work on the interwebz. I know this is wrong to say about oneself, but I’ve got talent. And I want to polish my ego by showing others what I’ve created. First I’ll have to replace my old 50mm ASLR with a brand new DSLR. My old camera just can’t do what I want it to do. I mean, come on, a 50mm f/1.9 auto revuenon on a revueflex SDI aren’t the tools that adhere to my standards. The lenses for this camera are more expensive than a new DSLR, so this won’t be a hard choice to make.

Talking of photography, my trip to New Zealand next summer will produce some really nice winter imagery. I can’t wait to go. I just end up playing ETQW’s Volcano.

I’ve been writing this post while listening to The Prodigy’s Fat of the Land album. Damn, it’s almost 11 years old already. That’s officially vintage I guess. I feel like an old fucktard right now, heheh.

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Oh my. Satanism is rising! We need to act now before all is lost! Thank our magical sky daddy our new pope super hero has come to save the day. According to these articles the vatican has issued a new era of exorcism.

Really, as devout Satanist I’m laughing my ass off. Of course I can’t be bothered with catholic nonsense but this sure is hilarious. Again, they’ve got it all backwards. Their primary motivation behind all of this is the renewed interest in the occult. I think Dan Brown has helped this impulse, too.
Quoting Father Paolo Scarafoni:

Interest in Satanism and the occult had grown as people lost their faith in the Church. People suffer and think that the Devil can help solve their problems.

There’s the backwards view of the chatholics in one quote.

It’s the other way around, friend. People suffer and think your all powerful bearded cloudman has all the answers. They turn to the occult, which is the catholic church, to seek answers from this fairytale being. When they realise they can’t grab any answers out of the sky they turn to what they can see, leaving the catholic church. This is translated to the exact opposite by the catholics.

This does not mean people turn to Satanism all of a sudden. They’ve pulled that fact out of their christian asses. Many people still believe Satanism is about demons, devils and dark evil magic and such, while in fact catholicism is the religion claiming all these things to exist. So these exorcists can only “help” catholics get rid of their own fantasies. Exorcism is actually just a way to keep those who loose themselves in catholicism from leaving the church.

The other use of exorcism can be found in the fear tactics used by the catholic church. They prey upon the mentally weak and blame their illnesses to some devil. This provides “proof” for the existence of the devil, hell, and after exorcism, god. The exorcism shouldn’t be underestimated. For the victim it’s an emotional experience which can be potentially dangerous for the mental stability of the victim. It shows many parallels with the Satanic ritual because it uses the strenght of an emotional experience to achieve goals. The big difference is that the participant doesn’t take part in the ritual willingly but is forced to participate. It’s also questionable if the victim of this ritual actually wants to be part of the ritual. Some people are just mentally too unstable to clarify their needs. People have been known not to recover from an exorcism, that’s why the catholic church has practically banned the practice. Until now that is.

If all the bishops do what they’re told we should have real exorcists here in the Netherlands really soon. I’d like a session myself. I’m the antichrist after all. I can even quote the bible:

Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist–he denies the Father and the Son.
Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.

The only thing I’ve got to do is act possessed and call the exorcist-hotline. I’m sure they want to drive out my devil. But beware, it’s a powerful one. Would I fit the description? I’m a Satanist, I really, really hate the catholic church and I can scream really loud. I’m not kidding here, I’m going to try to get an exorcism. Let’s just hope I don’t have to kill some priests before they’ll give me one.

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I’m quite active on youtube for almost a year now. I don’t make any videos (anymore) but I do involve myself in discussions now and then. I’ve been a long time subscriber of TheAmazingAtheist and thus witnessed TJ’s assault on social darwinism. I couldn’t agree more with the guy, NS89 was a sub par human. TJ clearly pointed out this kid was sick and would be fully capable of creating a massacre, just like his peers of previous US high school shootings. I could have never guessed he was actually going to do it.

I’ve joined the flame war that followed, raging well through july. I was part of the assault on NS89’s channel, filling his comment section with rational questions and pointed out paradoxes in his statements. Here’s a reaction he posted on one of TAA’s videos.

You know what, I have an ability to civilized discussion… but when Im pushed over the edge with only facing stupid sarcasm and idiotic ignorance, I feel REALLY ANGRY AND PROPABLY HOMICIDAL TOO! I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE THE NIN SONG “BURN”. And all the comments saying ant to be sorry for me, well don’t… just live your own god damn lives if you have one, wake up from “the Matrix”.

He reacted like every other uneducated kid would, so I thought nothing of it. After a while the situation calmed down and I soon forgot about the whole thing.

Until Reuters reported Youtube related news about the Finland school shooting a few days back. I honestly don’t know if I should feel guilty or not. This guy was sick, but maybe we’ve, as a community, pushed him over the edge in the flamewar? I guess we were just hungry for weak narrow minded prey to bash. Of course, the flamewar wasn’t a smart move when you look back on the whole situation. But no one could have known this was going to happen. I guess the whole community has changed after this event. At least, I hope so. I’ve changed.

Nine dead. Damn.

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I don’t like certain types of people. The posers, the people who think they know it all. The world would be better off without them.

Religious fanatics. I fucking hate these people. You just can’t have a decent discussion with them without being confronted with their utter stupidity. When they don’t blow themselves up they start preaching about their version of the truth. I don’t want to know about your version, dude. Shut the fuck up. And get the hell out of my sight before I show you my version of the truth.

Nationalists. Also known as patriots. These people actually think their country means something. They are stupid enough to believe their country is superior to any other nation in every way possible. They seem to forgive every single crime their own country commits but when another country does something they don’t like, they’re the first people to tell them to stop, Fucking hypocrites. Don’t even try to argue with these people. Oh no, you’re not a real patriot! You don’t love this country! Get the hell off my lawn! Surprisingly all these so-called patriots don’t even know how the other country is called they speak so hatefully about.

Vegetarians. Fucking freaks. They are in the biggest denial phase I’ve ever seen. Mankind is a species of predators, we feed off of other life forms. Got that? We’re not herbivores, just look at your fucking teeth. We eat plants to supply us with the vitamines and other stuff meat can’t provide. Our brains have grown this big thanks to meat. Why would you deny your own evolution? Ungrateful pieces of shit. I’m not going to risk to slow down human evolution just because a couple of pussy vegetarians think pigs and cows are cute. They are lesser life forms, they deserve to die to feed those above them on the food chain. If you vegetarians want to lower yourselves to the level of a herbivore, I suggest getting eaten by a pack of rabid dogs.

A combination of the people above. Vegetarian national socialists. Nazis with carrots. Hitler fanboys with broccoli stuck up their asses. You get the point. I’ve created a list of 66 things I can do when I get my hands on one of these things I can hardly call people.

• Make him drink nitroglycerin, kick him in the gut and say terrorists did it.
• Smash his face with a sun dried piece of bullshit.
• Fill all his bodily cavities with marihuana and send him to Jamaica with only a lighter and a dollar bill.
• Nail him to a wooden cross and burn him in front of a whites-only Alabama trailer park.
• Wrap a towel around his head in the middle of a Bush-loving God-fearing all-American crowd.
• Let him drive a French car across the Sahara desert.
• Duct tape him to a chair in front of a huge TV and make him watch the bold and the beautiful for 48 hours straight.
• Secretly brainwash his children to kill their parents when they’re asleep.
• Make him suck (what’s left of) Micheal Jackson’s cock.
• Dress up as a clown and do the create-nifty-animals-using-balloons-thing with his bladder.
• Tell a blind retarded chainsaw ice sculptor the guy’s actually made out of talking ice.
• Hook up a hose from his rectum to his mouth after feeding him three kilos of chilli beans.
• Let him meet a few crows after feeding them candy that looks exactly like human eyeballs for several years.
• Make him do the chippendale act at the conference for morbidly obese over aged women.
• Cut off his extremeties using only a spoon.
• Run him over repeatedly with a mini morris.
• Celine Dion.
• Send him naked into a rape victim support session.
• Fix his head into a horizontal position and make him swallow a bottle of epecac.
• Poke his eyes out and tell him the doctor is on the other side of the runway.
• At death row, give him the finger ten times before he can sign his release form.
• Bash in his skull with a dead goose.
• Alter his DNA to match that of a bird, get the flu and sneeze on him.
• Cover him in female elephant urine during the mating season.
• Drop him out of an airplane over area 51 with an antenna stuck up his ass.
• Attach his skull to the tracks of a tank and drive around his living room.
• Tattoo “donor” in the back of his neck and send him to one of those vampire goth parties.
• Give the man a white pointy hat and make him appear on stage after a Snoop Dogg show.
• Throw him into the arctic sea and revert the global warming process.
• Make him play roulette using uranium dice.
• Show him uranus up close.
• Make him appear naked in front of the national cannibal congress with a big red apple in his mouth.
• Teach him how to tap dance on a mine field.
• Make him read the bible on acid.
• Swap out his organs with car parts and try to start the engine.
• Attach one end of a rope to the ceiling fan and the other end to his pinkie toe.
• Attach scalpels to his fingers and throw him in a bath of itching powder.
• Make Chuck Norris say “DIE” in his face.
• Let a morbidly obese woman rape him on a bed of nails.
• Feed his liver to his children while his wife does the dishes.
• Make him shave with a chainsaw.
• Rip his heart out through his left foot while he’s running a marathon.
• Calculate the trajectory of falling space debris and let him catch the stuff.
• Stuff his stomach full of pluche animals and let him wear a santa suit.
• Replace a crash test dummy in a Chinese car with his helpless body.
• Perform brain surgery using only a battle axe and a crew driver.
• Make him learn to fly the hard, but the fast way.
• Choke him to death using his own spinal cord.
• Use him as a voodoo doll targeting himself.
• Test his conductivity with lightning.
• Throw him in a pit during a metal-for-the-morbidly-obese-fest.
• Offer his left eye to Ted Jesus Christ God and watch him bleed to death in his honor.
• Perform a little do-it-yourself anatomical pathology and make him live through the whole thing.
• Crush his skull in between two planes both flying supersonic.
• Kill him by not shooting a bullet to his head but pressing it slowly inwards. AKA the slow motion headshot.
• Donate his skin to a cannibal tribe’s chief and make him the nude act at the cannibal’s party.
• Let him swim in a refreshing bath of liquid nitrogen.
• Break every bone in his body and use his body as a wrapper for a christmas present.
• Plant bamboo in a gaping wound in his stomach and watch nature do what it does best.
• Rewire his nerves to make him hit himself in the face and nuts at the same time every time he tries to breathe.
• Make him an open minded person using a pizza cutter.
• Place a dormant rat in his right lung and watch it eat it’s way out.
• Put his head in a bucket full of concrete but leave a straw to breathe through. Attach a compressor to the straw.
• Nail him to an inverted cross using his lower ribs as nails and his left foot as a hammer.
• Force a wooden pole down his throat and check if it can actually come out the other end.
• Make him read this list and eat his own pants afterwards.

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jorrizza@himself:~$ apt-cache search women
pr0n - Substitute to women
gnome-xrated-backgrounds - Backgrounds of women in less clothing
libwomen0 - Women library
libwomen0-dev - Women library development files
jorrizza@himself:~$ apt-cache show libwomen0-dev
Package: libwomen0-dev
Priority: optional
Section: biology
Installed-Size: -1
Maintainer: Satan <bofh@wasda.nl>
Architecture: brain_87
Version: 0.0.1-svn1
Depends: libido (> 0), libman1 (>= 6.6.6), libwomen0 (= 0.0.1-svn1)
Conflicts: logic, sense
Suggests: gnucash, hotplug
Filename: pool/main/libw/libwomen0/libwomen0-dev_0.0.1-svn1_brain_87.deb
Size: 42
MD5sum: 0
SHA1: 0
SHA256: 0
Description: Interface to women development files.
WARNING - This is pre-alpha software. Latest beta tester died.
jorrizza@himself:~$

Tags: Stuff by jorrizza
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